Wintery Mix

So... It's finals week here at Bloomsburg University. Everyone is stressed (except for those of us who've finished our finals already), and they decide to close the school. That means that the finals that were supposed to be today will be tomorrow, and the ones that were tomorrow will be on Saturday. Wow. That really sucks... but I finished last night, so I don't care. However, I'm really ready to go home, but I can't. Stupid wintery mix.

*sings* I got a new roommate! I got a new roommate!

Not that there was anything wrong with the other one. I just have more in common with this one... kinda. We have the same major at least. And we're both a little out there.

I'm going up to Ithaca tomorrow to see Marsia. I should be happier. I was happy earlier. I think I'm just tired. I hope I'm just tired.

28 days til the end of my world

So I just got the BU Welcome Weekend schedule. I think I'm going to throw up. 28 days until I move in. I'll find out where I'm living and who my roommate is in a week or so. I'm sick of being scared. It's really starting to get old. I'll be fine... won't I?

not just dreams and spaghettios

I don't know if people realize this, but I'm dead serious about my world ending on August 21st. I don't know what I'm going to do. I seriously haven't felt this way since.... well, almost forever. It's like there's nothing left. I'm about to be pushed from the next a few years too soon. I'm being thrown from a building with only solid concrete at the bottom. It'd be bad enough if my friends were all dispersing at the same time, but they're not. I'm the one who's leaving. They say I'll come back on weekends and breaks and stuff. But that doesn't help. I'm going to change. I can feel it. I've changed so much in the last year... and I haven't even left yet. Who I'm becoming doesn't fit in my world. My world is ending... or at least, I'm leaving my world. This isn't like going to IUP. This isn't even like grade 6 at Susquenita. This is a whole different ball game. A whole new world that I know nothing about. I'm not sure I know how to live in that world. I'm not sure I want to.

"I wanna lay my head down on you because you're the only solid thing in this room."

I've been reading the facebook wall for the Bloom 2011 class. The people don't seem to completely suck. They were talking about shopping for stuff for college. That was pretty amusing. There are definitely some people there that I'll want to stay very far away from. But I doubt they're all stupid like them. I've seen a few that seem like my type of person.
Yes. I'm starting to feel better again. I'm still petrified, though.

44 days till the end of my world.

and I'm scared out of my mind.

I haven't written for too long. (too long = about a week in my world) But seriously. I haven't written anything of any substance for a while. It's driving me nuts. I just don't feel it anymore. That's not true. Sometimes I feel it. I just can't seem to get it all worked out long enough to write it down. It's this college crap. Even the idea has me scared stiff. I'm pretty sure I'd rather do anything else... except maybe work at Mutzy's for the rest of my life. Though, right now, the idea of having to enter that cafeteria twice every day for the next 4 years (even when I just look at it 4 months at a time, like my mom keeps telling me to) is quite possibly worse than working at Mutzy's till I die. I'm not social. I don't want to be social. I wanted to schedule my classes to avoid the noon lunchtime. Just my luck. Freshman have basically no control over their schedules. Even being in the honors doesn't help me so much there. Not only am I stuck with morning classes, I'm stuck with a noon lunch-hour. I'm not going to do it the first few weeks. I don't think I can. I barely survived at orientation, and that can't possibly be as bad the normal noon-lunch.
No, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life. It's time I moved on. But why do I have to go alone? Why can't I have any friends with any ambition? That's not fair, I know. Dan and Sarah H. are going to HACC, but that's here. And Marsia's going to Ithaca. She's certainly got ambition. Unfortunately, Ithaca isn't Bloomsburg. It's nowhere near Bloomsburg. Naomi's not going to school till next year. She's going to a Christian school anyway. So, here we are. Back at the beginning. I'm going to college completely alone. And basically defenseless. It's been so long since I've been in school. (HACC doesn't count. It's not based on social connections.) I don't even know what high school is like. Is it anything like elementary school was? It must be worse, cause elementary wasn't that bad. College isn't supposed to be like high school. But why would it be any different. One summer can't change people that much. Maybe because it's an all new set of people... but they're all coming from the same situation. Except me -- I'm coming from nowhere. I'm socially inept. I don't understand things that I should. I live in a different world than my soon-to-be peers.

44 days till the end of my world.

Help.

"She'll tell our future. Don't believe her."

I want to redo my layout. I'm so restless right now. I cleaned my room for a few hours today. (I've only been awake for 9.)

I'm starting to feel a little better about this whole college thing. It still makes me want to cry oceans, though. I'm just so afraid. Why don't people understand that? Is everyone else really that excited? Am I the only person who's terrified?

I feel so far away. I just want to curl up in my closet and stay there for a couple years. It feels like there's this big cloud of doom hovering overhead. In 56 days lightning will explode from it and shatter my world into a billion pieces. I'll wake up in a strange new world where people drink excessively and do all sorts of strange things that I don't particularly want to think about. Do I really have to wake up that day?

schedule change, work sucks, and the end of the world

OK. So I'm now working tomorrow (Sunday) from 1 - 7 PM instead of 11 AM - 5 PM. Thank you, Michelle.

I hate work. It sucks. There really isn't a reason it sucks, it just does. Well, the customers who look like they haven't washed their hands in 3 months are probably the biggest reason it sucks. Though, having to stand in front of my register staring at nothing is pretty sucky, too.

So, believe it or not, I'm actually started to get a little bit excited about college. It will probably go away soon.
I've been going through my CDs, trying to decide which ones to take with me. I have a lot of CDs. It's kinda crazy how many CDs I have. I got my first CD 7 years ago. Now I have more than 100... probably closer to 150.
I hate that I'll have to start all over. I've worked so hard to get the few friends that I have... OK, that's not true. They were kinda just there. But, I hate meeting new people. It's just cruel. Why can't somebody come with me? Anyone? *sigh*