Amanda loves my big brain. I'm glad somebody does.

So work didn't totally suck tonight. It was actually pretty fun[ny]. Me, Jose, Jon, and Ellexis... all hyper. I'm pretty sure that equals hilarity. At least tonight it did.

44 days till the end of my world.

and I'm scared out of my mind.

I haven't written for too long. (too long = about a week in my world) But seriously. I haven't written anything of any substance for a while. It's driving me nuts. I just don't feel it anymore. That's not true. Sometimes I feel it. I just can't seem to get it all worked out long enough to write it down. It's this college crap. Even the idea has me scared stiff. I'm pretty sure I'd rather do anything else... except maybe work at Mutzy's for the rest of my life. Though, right now, the idea of having to enter that cafeteria twice every day for the next 4 years (even when I just look at it 4 months at a time, like my mom keeps telling me to) is quite possibly worse than working at Mutzy's till I die. I'm not social. I don't want to be social. I wanted to schedule my classes to avoid the noon lunchtime. Just my luck. Freshman have basically no control over their schedules. Even being in the honors doesn't help me so much there. Not only am I stuck with morning classes, I'm stuck with a noon lunch-hour. I'm not going to do it the first few weeks. I don't think I can. I barely survived at orientation, and that can't possibly be as bad the normal noon-lunch.
No, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life. It's time I moved on. But why do I have to go alone? Why can't I have any friends with any ambition? That's not fair, I know. Dan and Sarah H. are going to HACC, but that's here. And Marsia's going to Ithaca. She's certainly got ambition. Unfortunately, Ithaca isn't Bloomsburg. It's nowhere near Bloomsburg. Naomi's not going to school till next year. She's going to a Christian school anyway. So, here we are. Back at the beginning. I'm going to college completely alone. And basically defenseless. It's been so long since I've been in school. (HACC doesn't count. It's not based on social connections.) I don't even know what high school is like. Is it anything like elementary school was? It must be worse, cause elementary wasn't that bad. College isn't supposed to be like high school. But why would it be any different. One summer can't change people that much. Maybe because it's an all new set of people... but they're all coming from the same situation. Except me -- I'm coming from nowhere. I'm socially inept. I don't understand things that I should. I live in a different world than my soon-to-be peers.

44 days till the end of my world.

Help.

So I'm working on my layouts for this blog and my poetry blog thing. I'm trying to find new names and designs for both.

July 1 - 7

Sunday (1): work 4 - 9:30PM
Monday (2): work
Tuesday (3): work
Wednesday (4): Happy 4th!.... sleep.
Thursday (5): nada
Friday (6): zip
Saturday (7): work

All I Wanna Do

lol. I'm watching "All I Wanna Do." It's so funny!

The story of a closely-knit group of friends at a traditional New England all-girls boarding school in 1963, who recognize their own value and potential when their all-female sanctuary becomes threatened by the specter of men.

Limbo - a poem by Draftrabbit from themagicalblog.com

Ignoring the second part of the first line, I really like this poem.

clipped from www.themagicalblog.com Limbo clipped from www.themagicalblog.com © 2007 Daftrabbit Coffee and endless fags Twenty four hour news Silent telephones Thinking about when to draw the curtains Books and computers Junk mail Not being bothered to eat Awake all night Listening for the door Wondering if you’re in her thoughts Frightened that she might hate you Regretting all your foolishness Cursing your malfunctioning soul Not knowing what to say Unable to put things right Trying not to care But caring more than words can show Writing unread poems Like two ships on a becalmed ocean, Waiting for the wind and tide, To take them to shore, Or into separate and uncharted waters

another cool poem

clipped from www.themagicalblog.com Song of the Hopeless clipped from www.themagicalblog.com © 2007 dwazdip Another night Another only single living kind of solitary night I lie alone I add another scribbled line into this silly book And you are there You sleep so peacefully at rest but you’re so far away Not really far But it could be a million miles if I don’t hear your voice You didn’t call If you just knew how much I wanted to pick up the phone I didn’t dare I didn’t know how you were feeling if you’d want me to Okay, I’ll sleep I’ll dream about you in your little room and then I’ll smile Cause in my dreams You want me every single bit as much as I want you Now listen well I’ll only whisper to you now so you don’t run away I love you dear Now it’s been said and I can finally lay my head to rest

very cool poem that I found.

clipped from www.themagicalblog.com Climbing Out of the Hole © 2007 Glyn Ramsden It’s a long way to the top. It’ll take a while, But you’ll get there in the end. You broke some bones when you fell in. The’re never going to be set straight again, And you’ll walk with a limp from now on. Your fingers won’t be able to touch anyone. You won’t be able to speak, And Harpies will scream in your ears. No one will ever understand you. You will go blind and insane. Eventually, you will die alone and afraid. It’s a long way to the top

myspace.com/homelessryank

He's pretty good. And I feel like promoting.

"She'll tell our future. Don't believe her."

I want to redo my layout. I'm so restless right now. I cleaned my room for a few hours today. (I've only been awake for 9.)

I'm starting to feel a little better about this whole college thing. It still makes me want to cry oceans, though. I'm just so afraid. Why don't people understand that? Is everyone else really that excited? Am I the only person who's terrified?

I feel so far away. I just want to curl up in my closet and stay there for a couple years. It feels like there's this big cloud of doom hovering overhead. In 56 days lightning will explode from it and shatter my world into a billion pieces. I'll wake up in a strange new world where people drink excessively and do all sorts of strange things that I don't particularly want to think about. Do I really have to wake up that day?

schedule change, work sucks, and the end of the world

OK. So I'm now working tomorrow (Sunday) from 1 - 7 PM instead of 11 AM - 5 PM. Thank you, Michelle.

I hate work. It sucks. There really isn't a reason it sucks, it just does. Well, the customers who look like they haven't washed their hands in 3 months are probably the biggest reason it sucks. Though, having to stand in front of my register staring at nothing is pretty sucky, too.

So, believe it or not, I'm actually started to get a little bit excited about college. It will probably go away soon.
I've been going through my CDs, trying to decide which ones to take with me. I have a lot of CDs. It's kinda crazy how many CDs I have. I got my first CD 7 years ago. Now I have more than 100... probably closer to 150.
I hate that I'll have to start all over. I've worked so hard to get the few friends that I have... OK, that's not true. They were kinda just there. But, I hate meeting new people. It's just cruel. Why can't somebody come with me? Anyone? *sigh*

um... blah?

I got Lisa Loeb's CD "Hello Lisa." I love her music.

Here's my week: (I typed and erased the "H" 7 times before I realized what I was doing.)

June 24-30, 2007

Sunday (24): work 11 AM - 5 PM (This will be changing. I'm not supposed to be working Sunday mornings. It's on my application. I'm kinda pissed about this.)
Monday (25): nada
Tuesday (26): nothing
Wednesday (27): library 4 - 6/7 PM
Thursday (28): work 4 - 9 PM
Friday (29): work 3 - 9 PM
Saturday (30): work 4 - 9 PM

Well... That's it.

I seriously don't get that Wendy's commercial with all the people kicking the trees. It kinda creeps me out.

maybe I should just go to HACC.

Valen, Kayce, and I are going to see Knocked Up tomorrow at 1:40 PM.
It looks amusing. I hope it's good.
We're also going to the mall.
Kayce broke her foot, so we're going to push her around in a wheelchair. That should be fun, also.

62 days

I just got my schedule for up at Bloom. Yay!
They scheduled me for Psych 101, so I need to get that fixed.
My schedule is as follows (excluding Psych 101, cause that needs to be replaced):

Comp 1 MWF 11:00 - 11:50 AM
Mass Communications and the Popular Arts TR 9:30 - 10:45 AM
Basic Statistics MWF 9:00 - 9:50 AM
Intro to Astronomy T 6:00 - 8:50 PM

Yeah. Astronomy seemed pretty random to me, too. It fulfills a gen ed science requirement, though. I hope it doesn't totally suck. It's at night, so maybe we'll actually get to look at stars. That'd be pretty cool. The 3 hour lecture, though... that won't be cool. I have a hard enough time concentrating for 1 hour. I don't know how I'll manage 3. I'll have to doodle a lot.
I only have 1 class on Thursday (R). It's a relatively short class, too. That's frustrating. I'll have too much spare time on Thursdays. Hopefully the choir will meet that day or something.

I have orientation on Wednesday.
Can you believe I'm going to college in 62 days? I thought I'd never get there. Of course, now I'm absolutely terrified. I'm excited, though, too... a little.
I should get my housing info on Wednesday. That'll be exciting.

I don't have to work for 3 whole days! Yay!

Ok. So yesterday...

Fallon (aka completely awesome frontend person) noticed that I was wearing make up... and commented about it. It was very odd. I was creeped out / freaked out / disturbed / amused.

Shawn drives me absolutely nuts. I can't stand that boy. He's so annoying!

the week's schedule

June 17 - 23, 2007

Sunday (17): work 11 AM - 5 PM
Monday (18): NOTHING!!!!
Tuesday (19): go see "Waitress" with Valen
Wednesday (20): Bloomsburg Orientation 9 AM - 4 PM
Thursday (21): work 10 AM - 4 PM
Friday (22): Grandma's birthday
Saturday (23): work 9 AM - 3 PM

Yuck. I just realized that I'm working all morning's this week. That sucks. Well... at least I have my evenings... to do absolutely nothing with.