I am coming to grips with the things I've done. I've hurt many people and deceived many more. The pain I feel is great, though I know others have felt greater. I seek forgiveness for my sins, but I don't know where to find it. I have fallen from the path and wandered into the depths. I no longer know the truth, though this is surely what I shall always seek. I beg your forgiveness, for I shall never forgive myself.

I've come to a decision: Teen pregnancy isn't horrible. It's not good. It's just something that happens. Good can come of things like that. Not a big realization, but an important one.

Home for the Holidays

I'm back at home... and back to hiding my life. I have to keep a "safe page" open all the time now when I'm on the main computer. Sure, my laptop is safe - mostly. Whatever. This is my life. I'm used to it. Brio Mag... I'll become well acquainted with you once again.

I really wish I could write performance poetry. Sure, I write normal poetry... but it's not that great. And besides, it's not performance-worthy. My current dream is to record a performance poem. I don't think I'm going to live that one.

You know what my mom told me today? "Wendi's pregnant. She's about ready to pop." Blank stare. Are you serious? I'm already crying because I may never see one of my closest new friends again and you think it's the perfect time to bring up Wendi? I still miss her. It's bee more than 4 years since she left, and I still miss her. I guess I'm not so good at letting go. I can't stand to see someone I love screwing up her life. I guess she's already screwed it up, though. There's not much left she can do. 18 years old with 2 kids and 1 on the way. And for some reason, I blame myself.

xkcd "Couple"

This is quite possibly my favorite comic EVER. I have this strange urge to ask this to everyone I know... they'd say no of course, but still.

clipped from xkcd.com

Wintery Mix

So... It's finals week here at Bloomsburg University. Everyone is stressed (except for those of us who've finished our finals already), and they decide to close the school. That means that the finals that were supposed to be today will be tomorrow, and the ones that were tomorrow will be on Saturday. Wow. That really sucks... but I finished last night, so I don't care. However, I'm really ready to go home, but I can't. Stupid wintery mix.

Snow has fallen, snow on snow on snow on snow...

I'm 18 now! I feel absolutely no different. Oh well. Don't I say that every year? The difference comes with experiences, not a date on the calendar.

It snowed!!! This was technically the second snow of the season, but it was the first snow of December... on December 1st. How perfect is that!? My college friends and I went sledding at 2 AM last night (this morning). We didn't really do much sledding, though. There were rocks at the bottom of the hill. (Dan found that out the hard way.)

The Women's Choral Ensemble (of which I'm a part), the Husky singers, and the Concert Choir had a concert last night and the night before. They went well. I didn't screw anything up horribly, so I'm happy. Mom came up last night for the concert. It made me happy.

I'm sick. It sucks. I have so much school work to do today it's not even funny. As a matter of fact, it makes me ill just thinking about how much work I have to do.

9 days until adulthood

So I'm officially spending my 18th birthday alone. Ok, I lie. My college friends will be here, obviously (my birthday is on a Wednesday, where are they gonna go?). But none of my friends from home are gonna be here. It makes me so sad. Rachel was supposed to come the weekend after my birthday, but she's not. Thanks, hun. I love you, too.

the end of my world?

I'm thinking it's time for a new layout. We'll see how that goes.

Turns out college wasn't the end of my world after all... just the end of a part of my world.
I really like it here. I have a bunch of amazing friends. I even like some of my classes. I feel more myself here than I ever have. I'm still not happy, though.

"Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars."
-- Martin Luther King Jr.

Hashivenu

clipped from jewishmag.com Hashivenu Adonai Elecha, V'na-shuvah, Chadesh yameynu K'kedem "Turn us to you Oh Lord and we shall return. Renew us as in the ancient days."

countdown to Extras

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The Mother of Re-Invention (from The Magical Blog)

The Mother of Re-Invention

© 2007 JayCat

I bought a small bouquet

of scrawny yellow tiger lilies

from a Chinese woman at the station

at seven p.m. on a Saturday night.

I needed the comfort and the color

without you here, and

she looked like she could use the two dollars.

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(Dis)Comfort Zones (from The Magical Blog)

(Dis)Comfort Zones

© 2007 Franklin Perso

Washed out t-shirts and the smell of cigarettes.

So many other s have stood on these stairs.

Their troubles beyond my comprehension.

Consumed only in my own.

Ripped clothes and the smell of beer.

So many stand around me.

Their experience in the music,

so much different than mine

Formal suits and the smell of cofee.

Browsing over today’s agenda.

Their achievments,

so far above mine.

Everyday clothes, and no particular smell.

People with common intrest surround me.

Their feelings and emotions,

still different from mine.

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Humble Praise (from The Magical Blog)

Humble Praise

© 2007 Franklin Perso

I cannot take you to the ends of the earth,

but to the edges of immagination,

we may sweetly drift.

I’ll show you not the greatest,

nor the biggest river,

but the shy mountain stream,

where so much more is hidden.

To the peak of the highest mountain,

we venture not.

But I’ll show you a hill…

With the humblest of views

over the lolling vallies below.

The moon it is too far away.

The stars are further still.

But flowers of the ordinary kind,

I can give to you any day.

I know not how to build for you

a castle in the countryside.

But I’ll hold you safely here with me,

untill the life has left

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Final Ballad (from The Magical Blog)

Final Ballad

© 2007 Franklin Perso

The one thing that I thought I had,

was raped!

Was taken!

But without intent to cause me pain!

Oblivious to the truth that my-

one grey talent does not belong to me!

Revealed to be what I knew it was all along:

Useless, shamefull, worthless scribblings.

Not worthy of a child!

Irony-

I am but a child.

Unable to grow, in the way I wish to.

To Grow to my ultimate enlitenment!

To Strive to what I want to achieve!

Pretencious-

Denying what they all can guess,

denying what I know.

That all has been a waste of time.

Where to now with me?…

When I see your face again,

I don’t know what Ill do!

Probably turn and run away…

something I always do!

Life’s sweetest emotion has been ripped away,

by the one who never intended so.

Life will show you a picture,

but the caption will be blurred.

Too advanced for a human eye,

to grasp the meaning of it all.

Life Lies!

Life Steals!

Life has kicked me a finishing blow!

“Why?”

“O! Why” I cry!

Must of all that you could take…

Why did it have to be my words?

I am now at a loss.

For my love.

my words.

my world.

It is now all just an inexplicable feeling within me.

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*sings* I got a new roommate! I got a new roommate!

Not that there was anything wrong with the other one. I just have more in common with this one... kinda. We have the same major at least. And we're both a little out there.

I'm going up to Ithaca tomorrow to see Marsia. I should be happier. I was happy earlier. I think I'm just tired. I hope I'm just tired.

I hate college. End of story.

Borat

Several girls are in my room watching Borat. It's fairly strange. I'm so amused. There's always people in here.

This is my roommate Ashley, sitting at her desk, staring at her computer.

and the end begins

Ok. So, I'm in my dorm right now. Just came back from lunch with my FRIENDS! lol. Go figure.
Anyway, this really isn't that bad. I wish someone would call me or something, that would make it better. I think we're going to go to Wal-mart once Mylissa gets out of the shower.
I still have quite a bit of organizing to do. I really should be doing that instead of traipsing all over Bloomsburg. Oh well.

I'm at college! Yay! I'll post pictures of my room eventually.

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getting ready

My car is now cleaned out. All the CDs I'm taking are safely backed-up on my computer. My last load of laundry is in the washer. All my bags and boxes are downstairs waiting to be stuffed into Wilma (my car... Amanda named it). I should probably read the stuff I'm supposed to read for Welcome Weekend... then again, I need something to do tomorrow night.

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I keep thinking I'll wake up and it'll be 2003... 2001... 1999... 1989. I don't care when. I just want to wake up.

4 days.

Wow. I leave in 4 days. I think I'm kinda in shock. I'm all ready. Now I just have to wait.

*deep breath*

I'm.... feeling less like my world is ending, and more like I'm adding a new chapter to my life's story. Hey. Maybe I'll get a few new poem ideas.

I love this shirt!

clipped from www.torrid.com

"Here is not home. Here is an over-due library book that I can't seem to return." - from Shaydes of Blue by Chesko

"More than I want to eat some toast, I want you to love me." - Dan Leaman

my new college bedding stuff

How pretty is that?

clipped from www.target.com

I feel so old...

So I have these pants... They're black dress pants with these pink and white stripes. They're really cute. Mom and I went to Fashion Bug yesterday (where I got the pants, but that was a while ago). I got the jacket that matches the pants. I have a suit. It's pretty, but it makes me feel so old. I put it on last night to see how it all looked together. I stumbled my way out to the computer room (because I still can't walk in heals) to show my mom how weird I look in a suit. Apparently it makes me look grown up. I feel old now. I'm going to college. I might actually need a suit someday. That's just weird.

"I live in search of a cause worth dying for." - from a Marty McConnell poem

I think a fly just bit my ear.

I'm at the Hammars' right now. It's so gross here. It smells like... everything dirty you can think of. It's not even just the animals, either. I'm supposed to be staying here tonight with Grandma (cause the Hammars went away for the weekend... how do 13 people go away for the weekend, anyway?). I don't think I can do this. The smell alone is making me ill.

On a different note...
I spent the weekend with Valen and Kayce! Yay! We stayed in their brother's camper in his backyard. Yeah. That was odd, but fun. Rachel stayed with us last night. I'm so tired. So, so tired.

I want to go to sleep.

I got a Zen V Plus (aka: a freakin awesome portable media player), though. So I'm content for the moment.

I'm sitting at the kitchen table, all alone. My parents are away doing something having to do with my dad retiring. I'm bored. I've been reading for 3 hours. Is this how college is going to be? Alone, with only my laptop and a book for company? Or, worse, alone surrounded by people? This isn't normal. I'm not even afraid anymore. I'm mostly just... depressed.

we've been good, but we can't last

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

coffee

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

pain

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

duck thoughs

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

lullaby

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

peanuts

I'm not sure I get this one... but I like it.

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

Wow.

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

This is so sad.

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

more

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

Hugger Mugger!

This reminds me of Kat from IUP last summer.

clipped from www.asofterworld.com

beauty

clipped from www.asofterworld.com