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Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Sunday, August 5, 2007
I feel so old...
So I have these pants... They're black dress pants with these pink and white stripes. They're really cute. Mom and I went to Fashion Bug yesterday (where I got the pants, but that was a while ago). I got the jacket that matches the pants. I have a suit. It's pretty, but it makes me feel so old. I put it on last night to see how it all looked together. I stumbled my way out to the computer room (because I still can't walk in heals) to show my mom how weird I look in a suit. Apparently it makes me look grown up. I feel old now. I'm going to college. I might actually need a suit someday. That's just weird.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
I think a fly just bit my ear.
I'm at the Hammars' right now. It's so gross here. It smells like... everything dirty you can think of. It's not even just the animals, either. I'm supposed to be staying here tonight with Grandma (cause the Hammars went away for the weekend... how do 13 people go away for the weekend, anyway?). I don't think I can do this. The smell alone is making me ill.
On a different note...
I spent the weekend with Valen and Kayce! Yay! We stayed in their brother's camper in his backyard. Yeah. That was odd, but fun. Rachel stayed with us last night. I'm so tired. So, so tired.
I want to go to sleep.
I got a Zen V Plus (aka: a freakin awesome portable media player), though. So I'm content for the moment.
On a different note...
I spent the weekend with Valen and Kayce! Yay! We stayed in their brother's camper in his backyard. Yeah. That was odd, but fun. Rachel stayed with us last night. I'm so tired. So, so tired.
I want to go to sleep.
I got a Zen V Plus (aka: a freakin awesome portable media player), though. So I'm content for the moment.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I'm sitting at the kitchen table, all alone. My parents are away doing something having to do with my dad retiring. I'm bored. I've been reading for 3 hours. Is this how college is going to be? Alone, with only my laptop and a book for company? Or, worse, alone surrounded by people? This isn't normal. I'm not even afraid anymore. I'm mostly just... depressed.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
28 days til the end of my world
So I just got the BU Welcome Weekend schedule. I think I'm going to throw up. 28 days until I move in. I'll find out where I'm living and who my roommate is in a week or so. I'm sick of being scared. It's really starting to get old. I'll be fine... won't I?
Saturday, July 14, 2007
"smile, it's the end of the world"
I still haven't gotten that CD.
So... we're going to Philadelphia tomorrow. Yuck. I don't wanna. I'm tired. I'm gonna be EXHAUSTED. (Is that spelled right? It looks weird in caps.) People are here. Tina, Dawn, Liz, Emily, and Bobby.
So... we're going to Philadelphia tomorrow. Yuck. I don't wanna. I'm tired. I'm gonna be EXHAUSTED. (Is that spelled right? It looks weird in caps.) People are here. Tina, Dawn, Liz, Emily, and Bobby.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
not just dreams and spaghettios
I don't know if people realize this, but I'm dead serious about my world ending on August 21st. I don't know what I'm going to do. I seriously haven't felt this way since.... well, almost forever. It's like there's nothing left. I'm about to be pushed from the next a few years too soon. I'm being thrown from a building with only solid concrete at the bottom. It'd be bad enough if my friends were all dispersing at the same time, but they're not. I'm the one who's leaving. They say I'll come back on weekends and breaks and stuff. But that doesn't help. I'm going to change. I can feel it. I've changed so much in the last year... and I haven't even left yet. Who I'm becoming doesn't fit in my world. My world is ending... or at least, I'm leaving my world. This isn't like going to IUP. This isn't even like grade 6 at Susquenita. This is a whole different ball game. A whole new world that I know nothing about. I'm not sure I know how to live in that world. I'm not sure I want to.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
no longer a working girl
NO MORE WORKING AT MUTZY'S!!!! YAY!!!!
....
at least until next summer. *sigh*
....
at least until next summer. *sigh*
"I wanna lay my head down on you because you're the only solid thing in this room."
I've been reading the facebook wall for the Bloom 2011 class. The people don't seem to completely suck. They were talking about shopping for stuff for college. That was pretty amusing. There are definitely some people there that I'll want to stay very far away from. But I doubt they're all stupid like them. I've seen a few that seem like my type of person.
Yes. I'm starting to feel better again. I'm still petrified, though.
Yes. I'm starting to feel better again. I'm still petrified, though.
Monday, July 9, 2007
writer's block spurs blogging
*sigh* I should be going to bed, not staring at the 29 documents in a folder titled "unfinished poems." Some of them are from as far back as 2004. I've spend 4 years saying the same thing over and over again. Sometimes it rhymes, sometimes it doesn't. I've written 223 poems. Maybe 50 of them are actually presentable. I wish I could write about that ant crawling on my lamp -- the tiny being that brings me both fear and hatred -- but I can't. All I've ever written about successfully (like anything I've ever written has been successful) is love and depression. This sucks.
the sky is falling! the sky is falling!
So Fallon and I talked for a while at work tonight. I can't believe I'm actually sad that I'm quitting. Fallon, you suck for making me sad that I'm quitting. (Not that you're reading this or anything.)
Did I write about last night yet? Last night was fun. Me, Jon, Jose, and Ellexis.... Yeah, it was fun.
I feel like such a stalker. I look at all these people's Myspaces, but I never talk to them. gah, I suck. I need more e-guts. Of course, I can't talk to people in real life, why should I be able to talk to them online? OK. Online should be easier, and it is.... which sucks, too. I always say stupid stuff online that I would never say in real life. Of course, I say stupid stuff in real life all the time, too... which is why I don't talk. Ever. See? I have a plan.
(wow. I love blogging.)
(mo-blogging rocks even more.) (mostly just cause it's fun to say. "mo-blogging." aka. mobile blogging.)
(why am I talking in parentheses?)
I'm going now.
Did I write about last night yet? Last night was fun. Me, Jon, Jose, and Ellexis.... Yeah, it was fun.
I feel like such a stalker. I look at all these people's Myspaces, but I never talk to them. gah, I suck. I need more e-guts. Of course, I can't talk to people in real life, why should I be able to talk to them online? OK. Online should be easier, and it is.... which sucks, too. I always say stupid stuff online that I would never say in real life. Of course, I say stupid stuff in real life all the time, too... which is why I don't talk. Ever. See? I have a plan.
(wow. I love blogging.)
(mo-blogging rocks even more.) (mostly just cause it's fun to say. "mo-blogging." aka. mobile blogging.)
(why am I talking in parentheses?)
I'm going now.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Amanda loves my big brain. I'm glad somebody does.
So work didn't totally suck tonight. It was actually pretty fun[ny]. Me, Jose, Jon, and Ellexis... all hyper. I'm pretty sure that equals hilarity. At least tonight it did.
44 days till the end of my world.
and I'm scared out of my mind.
I haven't written for too long. (too long = about a week in my world) But seriously. I haven't written anything of any substance for a while. It's driving me nuts. I just don't feel it anymore. That's not true. Sometimes I feel it. I just can't seem to get it all worked out long enough to write it down. It's this college crap. Even the idea has me scared stiff. I'm pretty sure I'd rather do anything else... except maybe work at Mutzy's for the rest of my life. Though, right now, the idea of having to enter that cafeteria twice every day for the next 4 years (even when I just look at it 4 months at a time, like my mom keeps telling me to) is quite possibly worse than working at Mutzy's till I die. I'm not social. I don't want to be social. I wanted to schedule my classes to avoid the noon lunchtime. Just my luck. Freshman have basically no control over their schedules. Even being in the honors doesn't help me so much there. Not only am I stuck with morning classes, I'm stuck with a noon lunch-hour. I'm not going to do it the first few weeks. I don't think I can. I barely survived at orientation, and that can't possibly be as bad the normal noon-lunch.
No, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life. It's time I moved on. But why do I have to go alone? Why can't I have any friends with any ambition? That's not fair, I know. Dan and Sarah H. are going to HACC, but that's here. And Marsia's going to Ithaca. She's certainly got ambition. Unfortunately, Ithaca isn't Bloomsburg. It's nowhere near Bloomsburg. Naomi's not going to school till next year. She's going to a Christian school anyway. So, here we are. Back at the beginning. I'm going to college completely alone. And basically defenseless. It's been so long since I've been in school. (HACC doesn't count. It's not based on social connections.) I don't even know what high school is like. Is it anything like elementary school was? It must be worse, cause elementary wasn't that bad. College isn't supposed to be like high school. But why would it be any different. One summer can't change people that much. Maybe because it's an all new set of people... but they're all coming from the same situation. Except me -- I'm coming from nowhere. I'm socially inept. I don't understand things that I should. I live in a different world than my soon-to-be peers.
44 days till the end of my world.
Help.
I haven't written for too long. (too long = about a week in my world) But seriously. I haven't written anything of any substance for a while. It's driving me nuts. I just don't feel it anymore. That's not true. Sometimes I feel it. I just can't seem to get it all worked out long enough to write it down. It's this college crap. Even the idea has me scared stiff. I'm pretty sure I'd rather do anything else... except maybe work at Mutzy's for the rest of my life. Though, right now, the idea of having to enter that cafeteria twice every day for the next 4 years (even when I just look at it 4 months at a time, like my mom keeps telling me to) is quite possibly worse than working at Mutzy's till I die. I'm not social. I don't want to be social. I wanted to schedule my classes to avoid the noon lunchtime. Just my luck. Freshman have basically no control over their schedules. Even being in the honors doesn't help me so much there. Not only am I stuck with morning classes, I'm stuck with a noon lunch-hour. I'm not going to do it the first few weeks. I don't think I can. I barely survived at orientation, and that can't possibly be as bad the normal noon-lunch.
No, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life. It's time I moved on. But why do I have to go alone? Why can't I have any friends with any ambition? That's not fair, I know. Dan and Sarah H. are going to HACC, but that's here. And Marsia's going to Ithaca. She's certainly got ambition. Unfortunately, Ithaca isn't Bloomsburg. It's nowhere near Bloomsburg. Naomi's not going to school till next year. She's going to a Christian school anyway. So, here we are. Back at the beginning. I'm going to college completely alone. And basically defenseless. It's been so long since I've been in school. (HACC doesn't count. It's not based on social connections.) I don't even know what high school is like. Is it anything like elementary school was? It must be worse, cause elementary wasn't that bad. College isn't supposed to be like high school. But why would it be any different. One summer can't change people that much. Maybe because it's an all new set of people... but they're all coming from the same situation. Except me -- I'm coming from nowhere. I'm socially inept. I don't understand things that I should. I live in a different world than my soon-to-be peers.
44 days till the end of my world.
Help.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Sunday, July 1, 2007
July 1 - 7
Sunday (1): work 4 - 9:30PM
Monday (2): work
Tuesday (3): work
Wednesday (4): Happy 4th!.... sleep.
Thursday (5): nada
Friday (6): zip
Saturday (7): work
Monday (2): work
Tuesday (3): work
Wednesday (4): Happy 4th!.... sleep.
Thursday (5): nada
Friday (6): zip
Saturday (7): work
Friday, June 29, 2007
All I Wanna Do
lol. I'm watching "All I Wanna Do." It's so funny!
The story of a closely-knit group of friends at a traditional New England all-girls boarding school in 1963, who recognize their own value and potential when their all-female sanctuary becomes threatened by the specter of men.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Limbo - a poem by Draftrabbit from themagicalblog.com
Ignoring the second part of the first line, I really like this poem.
 clipped from www.themagicalblog.com
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007
another cool poem
 clipped from www.themagicalblog.com
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very cool poem that I found.
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Monday, June 25, 2007
"She'll tell our future. Don't believe her."
I want to redo my layout. I'm so restless right now. I cleaned my room for a few hours today. (I've only been awake for 9.)
I'm starting to feel a little better about this whole college thing. It still makes me want to cry oceans, though. I'm just so afraid. Why don't people understand that? Is everyone else really that excited? Am I the only person who's terrified?
I feel so far away. I just want to curl up in my closet and stay there for a couple years. It feels like there's this big cloud of doom hovering overhead. In 56 days lightning will explode from it and shatter my world into a billion pieces. I'll wake up in a strange new world where people drink excessively and do all sorts of strange things that I don't particularly want to think about. Do I really have to wake up that day?
I'm starting to feel a little better about this whole college thing. It still makes me want to cry oceans, though. I'm just so afraid. Why don't people understand that? Is everyone else really that excited? Am I the only person who's terrified?
I feel so far away. I just want to curl up in my closet and stay there for a couple years. It feels like there's this big cloud of doom hovering overhead. In 56 days lightning will explode from it and shatter my world into a billion pieces. I'll wake up in a strange new world where people drink excessively and do all sorts of strange things that I don't particularly want to think about. Do I really have to wake up that day?
Saturday, June 23, 2007
schedule change, work sucks, and the end of the world
OK. So I'm now working tomorrow (Sunday) from 1 - 7 PM instead of 11 AM - 5 PM. Thank you, Michelle.
I hate work. It sucks. There really isn't a reason it sucks, it just does. Well, the customers who look like they haven't washed their hands in 3 months are probably the biggest reason it sucks. Though, having to stand in front of my register staring at nothing is pretty sucky, too.
So, believe it or not, I'm actually started to get a little bit excited about college. It will probably go away soon.
I've been going through my CDs, trying to decide which ones to take with me. I have a lot of CDs. It's kinda crazy how many CDs I have. I got my first CD 7 years ago. Now I have more than 100... probably closer to 150.
I hate that I'll have to start all over. I've worked so hard to get the few friends that I have... OK, that's not true. They were kinda just there. But, I hate meeting new people. It's just cruel. Why can't somebody come with me? Anyone? *sigh*
I hate work. It sucks. There really isn't a reason it sucks, it just does. Well, the customers who look like they haven't washed their hands in 3 months are probably the biggest reason it sucks. Though, having to stand in front of my register staring at nothing is pretty sucky, too.
So, believe it or not, I'm actually started to get a little bit excited about college. It will probably go away soon.
I've been going through my CDs, trying to decide which ones to take with me. I have a lot of CDs. It's kinda crazy how many CDs I have. I got my first CD 7 years ago. Now I have more than 100... probably closer to 150.
I hate that I'll have to start all over. I've worked so hard to get the few friends that I have... OK, that's not true. They were kinda just there. But, I hate meeting new people. It's just cruel. Why can't somebody come with me? Anyone? *sigh*
Thursday, June 21, 2007
um... blah?
I got Lisa Loeb's CD "Hello Lisa." I love her music.
Here's my week: (I typed and erased the "H" 7 times before I realized what I was doing.)
June 24-30, 2007
Sunday (24): work 11 AM - 5 PM (This will be changing. I'm not supposed to be working Sunday mornings. It's on my application. I'm kinda pissed about this.)
Monday (25): nada
Tuesday (26): nothing
Wednesday (27): library 4 - 6/7 PM
Thursday (28): work 4 - 9 PM
Friday (29): work 3 - 9 PM
Saturday (30): work 4 - 9 PM
Well... That's it.
I seriously don't get that Wendy's commercial with all the people kicking the trees. It kinda creeps me out.
Here's my week: (I typed and erased the "H" 7 times before I realized what I was doing.)
June 24-30, 2007
Sunday (24): work 11 AM - 5 PM (This will be changing. I'm not supposed to be working Sunday mornings. It's on my application. I'm kinda pissed about this.)
Monday (25): nada
Tuesday (26): nothing
Wednesday (27): library 4 - 6/7 PM
Thursday (28): work 4 - 9 PM
Friday (29): work 3 - 9 PM
Saturday (30): work 4 - 9 PM
Well... That's it.
I seriously don't get that Wendy's commercial with all the people kicking the trees. It kinda creeps me out.
Monday, June 18, 2007
62 days
I just got my schedule for up at Bloom. Yay!
They scheduled me for Psych 101, so I need to get that fixed.
My schedule is as follows (excluding Psych 101, cause that needs to be replaced):
Comp 1 MWF 11:00 - 11:50 AM
Mass Communications and the Popular Arts TR 9:30 - 10:45 AM
Basic Statistics MWF 9:00 - 9:50 AM
Intro to Astronomy T 6:00 - 8:50 PM
Yeah. Astronomy seemed pretty random to me, too. It fulfills a gen ed science requirement, though. I hope it doesn't totally suck. It's at night, so maybe we'll actually get to look at stars. That'd be pretty cool. The 3 hour lecture, though... that won't be cool. I have a hard enough time concentrating for 1 hour. I don't know how I'll manage 3. I'll have to doodle a lot.
I only have 1 class on Thursday (R). It's a relatively short class, too. That's frustrating. I'll have too much spare time on Thursdays. Hopefully the choir will meet that day or something.
I have orientation on Wednesday.
Can you believe I'm going to college in 62 days? I thought I'd never get there. Of course, now I'm absolutely terrified. I'm excited, though, too... a little.
I should get my housing info on Wednesday. That'll be exciting.
They scheduled me for Psych 101, so I need to get that fixed.
My schedule is as follows (excluding Psych 101, cause that needs to be replaced):
Comp 1 MWF 11:00 - 11:50 AM
Mass Communications and the Popular Arts TR 9:30 - 10:45 AM
Basic Statistics MWF 9:00 - 9:50 AM
Intro to Astronomy T 6:00 - 8:50 PM
Yeah. Astronomy seemed pretty random to me, too. It fulfills a gen ed science requirement, though. I hope it doesn't totally suck. It's at night, so maybe we'll actually get to look at stars. That'd be pretty cool. The 3 hour lecture, though... that won't be cool. I have a hard enough time concentrating for 1 hour. I don't know how I'll manage 3. I'll have to doodle a lot.
I only have 1 class on Thursday (R). It's a relatively short class, too. That's frustrating. I'll have too much spare time on Thursdays. Hopefully the choir will meet that day or something.
I have orientation on Wednesday.
Can you believe I'm going to college in 62 days? I thought I'd never get there. Of course, now I'm absolutely terrified. I'm excited, though, too... a little.
I should get my housing info on Wednesday. That'll be exciting.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Ok. So yesterday...
Fallon (aka completely awesome frontend person) noticed that I was wearing make up... and commented about it. It was very odd. I was creeped out / freaked out / disturbed / amused.
Shawn drives me absolutely nuts. I can't stand that boy. He's so annoying!
Shawn drives me absolutely nuts. I can't stand that boy. He's so annoying!
the week's schedule
June 17 - 23, 2007
Sunday (17): work 11 AM - 5 PM
Monday (18): NOTHING!!!!
Tuesday (19): go see "Waitress" with Valen
Wednesday (20): Bloomsburg Orientation 9 AM - 4 PM
Thursday (21): work 10 AM - 4 PM
Friday (22): Grandma's birthday
Saturday (23): work 9 AM - 3 PM
Yuck. I just realized that I'm working all morning's this week. That sucks. Well... at least I have my evenings... to do absolutely nothing with.
Sunday (17): work 11 AM - 5 PM
Monday (18): NOTHING!!!!
Tuesday (19): go see "Waitress" with Valen
Wednesday (20): Bloomsburg Orientation 9 AM - 4 PM
Thursday (21): work 10 AM - 4 PM
Friday (22): Grandma's birthday
Saturday (23): work 9 AM - 3 PM
Yuck. I just realized that I'm working all morning's this week. That sucks. Well... at least I have my evenings... to do absolutely nothing with.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
I got new stuff!
CDs
Indigo Girls - Nomads Indians Saints
Indigo Girls - Indigo Girls
Melissa Etheridge - Your Little Secret
Movies
Accepted
A Knight's Tale
Yay Stuff!
Indigo Girls - Nomads Indians Saints
Indigo Girls - Indigo Girls
Melissa Etheridge - Your Little Secret
Movies
Accepted
A Knight's Tale
Yay Stuff!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I <3 Shredderman
I don't have to work tomorrow! Yay! Of course, I have nothing interesting to do. *sigh* I want something interesting to do. Maybe I'll go see a movie by myself. Yeah. That sounds like fun. *sarcasm*
Shredderman Rules is a highly amusing movie on Nickelodeon. I'm watching it right now. It has the kid from Ned's Declassified (Devon Wekheiser). I'm amused.
Shredderman Rules is a highly amusing movie on Nickelodeon. I'm watching it right now. It has the kid from Ned's Declassified (Devon Wekheiser). I'm amused.
fun and my week's schedule
I don't remember the last time I had fun. There are a few moments of hilarity with Rachel in my memory, but true fun I just don't remember. That's frustrating. I need to learn to have fun.
6/10 - 6/17 Schedule:
Sunday: work 5 - 9 PM
Monday: ....
Tuesday: work 11 AM - 5 PM
Wednesday: NPL 4 - 6/7 PM
Thursday: work 10 AM - 4 PM
Friday: work 4 - 8 PM
Saturday: work 2 - 8 PM
I want to see Shrek the 3rd sometime. If anyone would like to go with me...
6/10 - 6/17 Schedule:
Sunday: work 5 - 9 PM
Monday: ....
Tuesday: work 11 AM - 5 PM
Wednesday: NPL 4 - 6/7 PM
Thursday: work 10 AM - 4 PM
Friday: work 4 - 8 PM
Saturday: work 2 - 8 PM
I want to see Shrek the 3rd sometime. If anyone would like to go with me...
Monday, June 4, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
work
Bobbie quit today. So I'm filling in some for her tomorrow. 12-4.
Next week's schedule:
Monday 12 PM - 6 PM
Tuesday 3 PM - 9 PM
Friday 12 PM - 8 PM
Yuck.
Next week's schedule:
Monday 12 PM - 6 PM
Tuesday 3 PM - 9 PM
Friday 12 PM - 8 PM
Yuck.
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